Yesterday I attended a workshop on “how to get back on track with your thesis”. An industrial psychologist with a pretty impressive resume told us about the four develop levels related to a persons ability and motivation to perform a task. We went through exercises in defining tasks, diagnosing our development level for that task and then we discussed what a person at each level should do to complete the task. It made a lot of sense to me. I could identify with each development level as well as the leadership needed per situation. It was all very practical.
I left feeling that something was missing though. Honestly, there is some part in me that this guy did not help out. In the beginning we all went around and stated our program and what we wanted to get out of this talk. When talking about my situation, I felt tears hot behind my eyes. I don’t know why. Maybe it was frustration, maybe I was getting embarrassed because he didn’t seem to register with what I felt.
I wasn’t speaking in his terms. Most people talked about frustration with supervisor, procrastination, lack of motivation, wanting to just move on. Those happen to me too, but I feel like the real reason I have trouble working on my thesis is fear. Fear that my questions are not right. Fear that I will not do the right thing. Fear that I am all wrong. Fear of committing to a project. Fear of getting bored with it.
Now if I were talking to myself, I would tell myself “Meghan just go do it” because there is no other way for a person to rid of their fear than that. Why does that not happen? Why do I get frustrated when I do set aside time to work? Why can’t I organize ideas in my head and then put them down on paper?
I think there is more to it than what our psychologist talked about yesterday. There are certain emotional and physical blocks to getting the work done and someone can be as organized as they would like to be, but they will have a difficult time surpassing those blocks.
My two thoughts throughout the day were: is he going to give me useful techniques to overcome these blocks? And I think I need to see a counselor. What I would have liked to get from the presentation:
- WHY do people procrastinate?
- HOW can I overcome fear of and frustration with large projects?
- HOW can I monitor and balance my physical energy levels so that I may be at my best 80% of the time?
His presentation was very practical, not emotional at all. I think that a “Self Esteem and Your Thesis” workshop would have worked more wonders for me. Using the term “self esteem” first makes me wince because I don’t like to admit that I am someone who lacks it. Then I realize that it is probably the very root of my problem.
Goes to look for counselor…