Two nights ago I was chatting with Jemma on the phone when the largest spider I have ever seen in real life and not in a cage scurried across my bedroom floor to my closet. It stopped at the entrance – it knew it had been spotted so it stayed completely still. I on the other hand completely flipped. Jemma calmly instructed me to get a glass to catch spidey. I brought a bowl back from the kitchen, I would need the larger diameter for this one. Alas I was not quick enough and as I slammed the bowl to the ground, spidey scurried into the closet. Swearing loudly, I went back to the phone. What would I do? What could I do? There was a massive spider in my closet and I couldn’t sleep because surely it would crawl all over my face in the middle of the night. Jemma continued to soothe me. It’s great how friends can do that, give you the equivalent of a hug over the phone when you know you need it.
After a while, knowing that I couldn’t keep her up all night to comfort me, I let her go. Cleaning helped me work through the panic. It seemed all I could do as every light touch of my hair to my face of my clothes against my skin made me jump, thinking some bug was crawling over my skin. I swept around the apartment, went back into my room and opened the window wide, closed my door and blocked the bottom crack with my house-coat. I couldn’t sleep in there that night. I slept on the couch, first shaking out all the pillows and then pulling it away from the wall – that’s where spiders like to roam.
Falling asleep seemed impossible. Every time I closed my eyes I could see flashed of spider images before them. When I opened them it wouldn’t take long for my imagination to warp the shadows of night into quiet legs and fuzzy bodies. Finally falling asleep, I still woke up many times with a twitch or jump, thinking I felt something crawl on me. I got up around 7:30am, feeling extremely worn and tired. Still jumpy, but a little better. Still not wanting to unleash what might be in my room.
Yesterday I was cleaning for Sarah’s visit (she is coming tonight). It felt good to brush away all the cobwebs in my apartment, most being from those skinny little guys that resemble daddy-long-legs. I phoned Ali – the best thing to do might be to have someone there while I cleaned my bedroom. Someone there for when I found the spider.
Ali got back to me and came over to help. She was such a big help, completely understanding why I was scared and not telling me I shouldn’t be. We went through my closet, removed everything, but no spider. Moved my bed, dresser, wardrobe, shelf… no spider. Luckily her visit was not a waste. While we were chatting in my living room, she spotted a smaller spider crawling high over my windows. She caught it and let it out the window.
I felt more relaxed by that evening. I was exhausted, but not as jumpy. Of course, I still had another spider run in before bed. I was able to handle that. I think the massive one from the night before desensitized me. Still, when I closed my eyes to sleep, the spider images were flashing before my eyes. My brain was prematurely firing off these dream frames. I had to consciously think of other things, like friends talking me through my fear, like friends coming over and helping out.
This whole episode has made me realized something about the incredible power of friends. A real friend accepts your fears before they try to get you over them. They don’t let you know that they might think your fear is silly. They don’t say, “well I’m not afraid of that so why should you be”. They try to distract you with humour about the problem, not by changing the subject. They let you decide when the subject should change, otherwise they are patient and they listen. They say “I understand” and remind you of when they were equally scared. They remind you that maybe you were the one who helped them through.
I am going to strive to be this type of friend. I worry that at times maybe I have not. But it is what I want to return to those who helped me, and others, from now on.