The first time in quite a while. Well, not including hangovers. Genuinely feeling a wee bit sick. It might be that I’m pushing myself harder lately, wanting to get things done and see results. That and the stress of knowing there are deadlines to those results.
But it is hard when I’m researching or coding and my fingers are so icy cold I just don’t want to take my hands from my pockets. I sit in the lab wearing sweater and jacket and I AM Chhiiiillled. So I picked up some hot chocolate on the way home from school to warm me up. I think I might even take a nap…screw being worried about my sleeping patterns.
I want cozy. I want someone to take care of me. I usually never want that because I like feeling free and independent but right now I want that. When I was sick my mom would set up camp for me on the family room couch. She would spread out a comforter and I would lay on it. Then she would wrap the free half around me and tuck it in tightly. I would lay there all day, drifting in and out of sleep. People would come and go and I would hear them upstairs. Comfort was when someone came down to see how I was doing. To sit on the couch almost on top of my legs. The extra weight magnified cozy, in my feverish states I would think it was a heavenly presence. Comfort was knowing you could let all go because your homework would be brought home and it would be okay to miss a piano lesson.
I hope I don’t get sick because I will only want someone here to care for me. No, I need to take care of things. My apartment is a mess and still smells like dinner cooked 3 nights ago. I have things to mail, things to sell. That and I think I will be moving out of here by December 1st. Looking for roommates if you know anyone in Vancouver. Yeah, after the messy apartment comment…hehehe. No really, normally I am very very clean. My focus has been elsewhere lately though. That and most of the mess is due to “gutting” my place - bringing out everything I want to get rid of. Reducing.
I hope I dream of sunshine tonight…will maybe sleep with a lamp at my face.