Archive for February, 2006
February 28, 2006 at 10:04 am · Filed under Random Thoughts
Let me count the ways…going on 9 years now? You are my soul mate in clothing form and will have a place in my wardrobe for as long as your strings can hold that beauty together…and then for sometime after that. You are sophisticatedly black, I can take you anywhere, with colour shining in 5 subtle buttons. You are thin and sleek, yet surprisingly warm. Your kind is such an incredible kind of cardigan that four teenagers had to all buy you despite the fear of uniformity. From what I hear, your sisters are still equally cherished by their owners.
Of course no friend is without wounds. So I collect buttons and pins to patch yours up. You inspire the seamstress in me. Not to make substitutes but to mend your broken parts! There could never be a substitute for you oh the only prodigy of le chateau.
February 26, 2006 at 8:54 pm · Filed under I am feeling..., I'm a Nerd
Probably followed by another week of hell….then maybe one more.
I am dreading March and it’s only February but I have a history of dreading March.
It will all get done though, well the important part of “all” at least, I can finally smell it.
The great thing about times like these is that you finally remember all those passions and dreams and projects that get pushed to the back of your head when you actually do have time to work towards them. Now if I can remember to write them down this time…
Anyway, funny thing that I realized this week (well I had known about it for a while but thought it was hereditary until being clarified last weekend) – I totally break toilet seats. When I was a kid, I always sat on the toilet sideways. In both the ‘upstairs’ and ‘downstairs’ washrooms, the counter and sink were right next to the toilet. I would sit sideways so that I could conduct experiments with various bathroom products in the sink. Growing up, I didn’t lose the tendency to approach the bowl from an angle necessary for sideways sitting. My attack has always been one from the side with this final twisting motion to keep my legs at 12 o’clock. That added torque causes the seat’s bolt-and-nut assembly to loosen and eventually, the bolt-and-nut assembly’s plastic housing becomes worn and the seat can no longer be tightly bolted down.
This has happened to every toilet in places I have lived in for longer than six months. OK so that’s only 4 toilets but statistically, there is a high probability that if I don’t change my entrance, I’ll ruin more seats.
Don’t worry, it’s unlikely that I will break yours. The damage only occurs through repeated exposure.
February 22, 2006 at 12:27 pm · Filed under Reflection, Things Found Online
I was one of those kids who were always trying to break an arm or leg because it would be so cool to have a cast. I hovered around sick siblings so that I could catch the bug and stay home too. So today when the optometrist told me I have astigmatism my ears perked up. “Something wrong??…!?” It’s silly because it is not even severe to the extent that I need glasses. I am fine without them. I think that really, I was excited about acquiring a label, a classification, a new statistic to file myself under.
When I came to the lab, Tony had a link to his personal Interactive Johari Window and I was all over this idea. Please go to my Johari window (if you know me) and pick out a few words to describe me. I can’t get enough of these things!
February 21, 2006 at 7:19 pm · Filed under Random Thoughts
When I think about 1984isms, I’m not so much scared at the thought of being monitored. I am more scared that I find it hard to be scared of people watching me. It does not make me a good advocate for citizens’ privacy so I try to pay close attention to news items dealing with the use and abuse of personal information. I should be aware of some of the threats.
In my own life, there are only two places where I really think about people looking at my personal information: the bank and Safeway. I was just at both tonight. I can’t help but imagine a small number of people huddled over my records and laughing at me. Laughing at my bank balance. Laughing at the quantities of applesauce I consume.
February 21, 2006 at 6:42 am · Filed under Dreams
I was in Vancouver-Regina morph, leaving some place to walk a few blocks home. A man was walking on the other side of the street wearing a parka and playing a recorder. He was someone I had gone out with once before but I couldn’t be sure. I walked slowly, so slowly that I couldn’t walk straight. Couldn’t bring myself to walk up to him or even look over but I was not going to run away either. We both had to cut through the same park. He to a party in a greenhouse/tent, me towards home. Then my name was called and I knew it was him. I turned around and walked over, walked with him to the party. My face was burning. He was drunk and balding. He had something that he wanted to say to me but he wouldn’t/couldn’t. People were interrupting, distracting. I turned around to leave several times but stayed because I wanted to hear. Still, I had a surprisingly calm acceptance that I might not. Then I woke up without ever hearing, but still thinking that he might tell me something.
My dream itself is not that interesting. Waking up though, it took me some time to get back to my own reality. At 3:30am I was still in that space where your dreams and your conscious life are intertwined and you can’t quite distinguish one from the other. I had two things going on: I was wondering what he had to say and I couldn’t think of anything I would say to him (that was from dreamland) and, I had the most overwhelming sense of what am I doing with my life and why am I living it inside walls I have spent the past 25 years building (from reality).
It is 5:30, I could not fall back to sleep, and I am still obsessed with thought B. Thought A is there, but mostly as a reminder of how much time I invest in waiting for the approval of others. I wait and then I begin to accept that I might never receive. Everytime I accept, another brick is added to my wall. Of course it is fine to be peaceful with what life offers, but I think my peace has been through finding solitude and safety, not through accepting drama and pain.
The dream was a prelude to my day and today is going to be a day of deconstructing. Normally I spend a lot of time reflecting on how to make the space within my walls more pleasant. In other words, I consider what I can do with what I have. Today I’m going to consider what I could do beyond my self-imposed limits.
If I can stay awake. You’ll likely find me on the couch in x509 between 10am and noon.
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