You know how there are those people who remember everything you tell them about yourself? At the same time, there are those who do not remember anything at all. Conversation comes around to something you know you have already mentioned but it is like they are being told anew. You feel a pang of hurt and disconnection. Were they listening that time? Do they register anything about you? Do they care? You feel an imbalance of interest. You are paying them way more attention than they to you. It feels negative and scary.
On the other hand, there is a certain amount of freedom and excitement. Flexibility in viewpoint because they won’t remember your opinion. You can change it. They won’t call you on your contradictions and we all have contradictions a plenty. I can be as repetitive on the outside as I am on the inside.
But…do they forget because they are forgetful or because they couldn’t be bothered with you? I ask because I often find myself chasing after the people who forget me the most.
Yeah. I am sounding high school. No, maybe not high school but…depicting an experience in general vague terms to avoid seeming as though I am talking about a specific person…ugh. Maybe there are specifics but the thoughts are general…really.
For a while I had not been dreaming too deeply but the past few nights have brought about sleep adventures. The dreams have all had varying details but a common theme has been my hot and cold interactions with people I know. Random people - some from here, some from there, some from a long time ago. Crazy fluctuations between bonding in an incredible way and then getting the cold shoulder. One morning I woke up and thought “yeah…I deserved that” another morning, “no she would never do that” and then another “wow - what if that’s the way it really is?”.
Gee after not posting for a week you think I would deliver some at least a little upbeat goods. Soon. My sister is here and we are having a good time. Last weekend was spent in Kyoto and there are some flickr photos up in rememberance of that. I might possibly get around to explaining some of the them…I hope.