Moving back to Saturday afternoon – I attending a coworker’s wedding ceremony. It was beautiful (of course) and the food was delicious (of course). From my memory, these are things that happened:
-> Sometimes people have a ceremony the same day but sometimes not. This couple chose not to. The party started at 2pm at a hotel in Yokohama.
-> Arriving at the hotel we checked are coats, dropped off our wedding money (there is a word for this but I can’t remember what it is), received programs and had a chance to have our pictures taken with the bride and groom.
-> About the wedding money: in Japan it is tradition for guests to bring money for the bride and groom. It is partly gift money and partly money for the party. I won’t say how much but – a lot. I was told that Saturday’s wedding was cheaper than regular weddings as the bride and groom set a price for all. If a price is not set there is like an “average” and you pay more or less depending on how well you know the people. Umm…this is my interpretation…I could be wrong about some of the above.
-> The seating plan was included in the wedding program. My name was the only non-Japanese name and it looked kind of funny. Interestingly, we (me and other NTT people) had a table at the very front of the room, closest to the bride and groom. I guess another thing about weddings here – friends and coworkers are guests of the bride, groom, and their families so the families sit in the back of the room, even the parents. Only the bride and groom sat at the very front and I thought they looked so lonely.
-> The party progressed with a mixture of getting food served and bride and groom-related activities. Some of interest: (oh no we are getting into layer two of bullets here)
- The groom’s friends came up to their table often and poured drinks for him. It is possible that the he could get very very drunk if he did not manage this well. My friend told me that sometimes there is a bucket next to the groom’s seat to dump poured drinks into rather than refusing the gesture or drinking too much.
- The MC periodically read telegrams sent by people who could not attend the wedding. Totally a common thing - when someone gets married, people in their workplace will send a telegram.
- The bride started the party in a white wedding dress and halfway through (I think) left to change into a second dress (an as-the-bride-likes dress). Sometimes the bride will also wear a traditional Japanese wedding dress for part of the ceremony but my coworker chose not to.
- When the bride came back in her new dress, her and the groom did a candlelighting ceremony of sorts. They walked into and around the room with a flame, lighting candles at each table then going to the front to light a large candle by their table. I think this is a Japanese tradition but actually, I am not totally sure. I can see it being done at Western weddings too but it has been so long since I have gone to one…
- There were presents at the tables for each wedding guest. Like a wedding grab bag but like – not cheap. If you are in Japan and see a group of people dressed well, kind of drunk and walking around with matching bags possibly marked with a hotel name – they were just at a wedding. Ours contained a box of cakes and a catalog for…a catalog gift. The catalog gift is like a wedding registry but…opposite? A nicely wrapped box contained a catalog from which we can choose a gift to be mailed to our homes. Options include jewellery, furniture, kitchen things, bags, clothes, watches, and so on. The super cool options – food. Great for me as I am not up to buying more things than I can take back to Canada. Some examples: 7 boxes of chicken curry from the Royal Oak Hotel, 7 tins of nori (40 sheets in each tin), 2 octopi, 3 x 250mL bottles of maple syrup, a whole lot of handmade sausage from Hang (a store in Kobe I think), 8 slices of a baked cheesecake from Cake Mania dessert café, etc. I think I will end up going for some good green tea or matcha powder. I can consume it here but it will last me a while. (unlike the iced cream puffs). Moving on…
- Well, that’s all I remember about things at the party for now. It lasted for around three hours and we had two hours before the second party. On the way out the bride, groom, and parents were lined up to thank us and give another piece of omiyage from the party.
I was really surprised at how the guests were made…kind of…important?? I don’t know how to put it. There was just more of a feeling from the couple and their families that “we are happy about getting married and soooo happy that you came to share this with us”. The party even began with a slideshow of the guests! They found pictures of each guest and flashed through them.
For the second party (nijikai) we went to a restaurant in Chinatown. Another different thing in Japan – the family does not typically go to the second party. This is for the bride, groom and friends. Also if some friends did not come to the wedding ceremony/party, they may still come to the second party. The atmosphere was a lot more relaxed; some people changed from their suits and dresses to regular clothes, we sat on tatami mats and the happenings were not speeches and formalities but games for the bride and groom to play (like a nintendo wii boxing match…the bride won).
There was also a third party but I was done for the night. I hope that all had fun there too and that the bride and groom have lasting memories of their day.
