Leaving Vancouver. So tired, so full, so…I can’t feel the difference. I am going through the motions of my relationship with flying to Japan. This is the third time now. Only three times but it already feels regular. Sitting on a stool at a bar in the gate area cafeteria. A couple is sitting at the other end and when the guy taps the metal foot rest bar the vibrations travel to my end and remind me that other people are around me.
I’ve been wishing for things to find some stability. Wishing to remind myself of responsibility and what I need to do to…keep living? And live happy? But wishing for what I don’t have but want…I can’t do that. Ok I’d be lying if I said I never ever ever did that but really…I have so much. Vancouver reminds me of that. The flowers and the trees and the greenness remind me. The large houses and bright colours remind me. The encounters with people asking for money remind me. The choice…the choice I can slip into feeling like I need more and feeling unhappy for what I have but now, at this point I am reminded that I am lucky to have the choice.
A monitor hanging over the cafeteria area is showing a hockey game. Brought to us with Microsoft technology. It looks like an application on the computer showing the game is not responding. I wonder how long it has been like that and when someone will notice it and who that is and if they will worry about fixing it or if it is just routine. These moments of error and unresponsiveness are strange because had that blue/white/and grey box not been there, I would not have known that the hockey video was running on Windows. I would have glanced at that monitor and thought “a tv showing hockey”. But now I know which operating system and I wonder what other processes are currently running, what applications are installed, and what information is stored be it something important or something like web browsing history to find help on that problem causing an unresponsive program. The possibilities, the story behind the “thing” showing this hockey game has expanded. It is another world like the world I have on waffles here but full of foreign things and with its own purpose and history YET…it is built with familiar structure and interface.
When in my daily life am I an unresponsive program?
Across from me is a duty free hops with perfume and purses and watches and it’s funny how those products are valuable and the brands are up there but being in the duty free shop…they seem so cheap to me. Not cheap money-wise and hey! let’s go buy some but…tacky cheap. Why? When did I establish this idea? I’m always in airports alone so it is not from anyone else.
Well…it is time for me to wander somewhere else.