This morning I experienced a bit of the stereotypical “avoidance of speaking up” that people talk about when talking about Japan. Notice that I am skirting around actually saying “Japan is like this and today was an example”. I’ve had many experiences that go against the stereotype and I don’t want to give people such a one dimensional impression.
But - this was interesting. I took the bus to work, the same one I usually take and usually 4-8 other people who work in my building take it too. Every day the bus stops in front of our building regardless of whether someone presses the button to request the stop. My building is one of those kinds stops. Today the bus driver must have been new. We drove up to the building and then slowly past the building and then…turn…and then someone pressed the button but the driver kept going because the stop requested (according to the automatic announcement) was the one after our building. I almost said something but then stopped - wait, how do I say that in Japanese? All I know is “tomare” (stop!!) and the tone of that would have been a little spazzy.
We kept on going and no one else said anything. Knowing that the next stop was a little ways away and the way back was uphill I felt it would be kind of ridiculous to all keep quiet and politely get off at the next stop. I walked to the front and asked the driver “sumimasen ga…taitei…NTT tsushin kenkyu-jo…minna koko ni…” (excuse me but…usually….NTT research lab…everyone there…) and he understood right away, stopped the bus and let us off. While I was talking another man had followed me to the front, followed by two other women. So I saved everybody’s morning.
No just kidding but really…why didn’t anyone say anything? I didn’t because of a language issue but also maybe because my first feeling was “eh…I’ll just walk…saying something is so much effort”. Did other people feel that? Or were they struggling, wanting to say something but just not being able to speak up?
I guess this story is important to me on another level. I’ve been a little frustrated lately with how much (and when and where and to whom) I hold myself back in my expression. I know many of you would respond to that by saying “you don’t hold yourself back!” But I do…when I do put myself out there, I find the easy ways to do that but not necessarily the most effective ways for living as fully and creatively as I could. Also, a lot of my expression has been facilitated by other people. My good friends - they are some amazing, outgoing, vibrant people. They influence me, make me feel comfortable coming out of my shell.
But I have not made many close relationships to crazy people here (you know, good way crazy) and I think that I have to move beyond relying on the crazy people to say the things I want to say. I need to find that in myself.
I thought about this the whole way to work and then with the bus incident I was all proud that I had a strong voice. But now I am here. And it is quiet (actually I am sort of hiding right now) and I feel hesitant to interrupt anyone and I think that I should just do my work and save my social interaction for the prescribed lunch hour.
Why am I shutting up?
