Last night I got a sliver in my foot. Tweezers, nail clippers, and a file were no help so I hit the sack - maybe it would work its way out by morning. I moisturized my feet before sleeping, in the event that someone would have to help me remove a still-there-sliver, because I know sandpaper is not the greatest texture, and I moisturized in the morning before my jog.

The jog was hard. My body was not feeling with it. I remembered my old dog Robyn and how she would only go for walks with my mother. If anyone else tried to take her that person would get 20 feet from the house and then Robyn would stop, sit, and go no further. That’s what my legs felt like and I think that in some way, it had to do with the sliver. I was not in much pain, only some discomfort, but mentally all my energy was being poured in a thin stream focusing on that one point at the bottom of my foot.

I made it back and felt happy that although it was a sluggish jog, at least I got out there. I went into the bathroom, undressed, turned on the water, and stepped one still kind of moisturized foot into the tub then SLIP! That foot and the foot outside the tub both slid and I crashed down, knocking over bottles of shampoo and conditioner, catching my self with the heel of one hand, my left rib cage, and the left side of my face.

I got up and took a deep breath. Then I cried. Not for a long time but just, a 5 second cry to release a little ball of emotion that had been shaken up. I thought, I don’t want to hurt anything. If I injured myself and couldn’t run and couldn’t practice karate - what would make me happy? It was such a scary thought and then I was further shocked by the realization of how much these things mattered to me. It’s a good thing, to have something in your life that you hold dear, but there was another half to that realization - that I haven’t felt very strongly about things dear to me in a long time. At least not explicitly, openly, in a way that I am actually living it. To protect myself? Yes…probably. If nothing is dear than you can handle losing it. But…those are some murky, gray waters to swim in. Not so much swim, maybe float, face up to avoid facing what you have gotten yourself into.

How will this experience change? What is my “for now on I shall always do/be _______”? I don’t know yet. It could be a lesson that started with a sliver or it could be karma for the 25 cent chocolate I “bought” at the Dan-d-Pak Mart but on looking at my receipt later in the evening, had not been charged for it. Should I go back and give them the 25 cents and (probably I should) what do I tell them? “Don’t worry, it gave me a sliver.”