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Archive for December, 2007

{i am} {am i} going to explosed

My day has been a series of technical problems unrelated to my actual problem at hand but large enough that I feel like I have accomplished nothing among my list of things to do.

My laptop is running slowly and it seems to make my mind run slower too.

I had a job interview over the phone last week which I think I bombed when it came to the abstract logic and algorithmic problems. It reminded me of my days in the “gifted program” when we did “stories with a hole” problems. Me, never solving one, wondered why I was there. I think I eventually dropped out. I’m a gifted school drop-out.

I am stressed about finding work this winter.
I am stressed about finishing my thesis.

I am stressed that the work I have done this past fall is not really a contribution to any of the bigger picture.

I need a hug. I know I am lucky to have people cheering me on. But right now they are either far away or close but I can’t afford the time to see them.

Christmas is coming and it is motivating me to move along because soon I will see my family and close friends in Regina. But sometimes I worry that once I’m in that light at the end of the tunnel, I’ll still be blinded by all the things I feel I need to do.

I want to be uber-productive right now but I’m so wound up that it’s just working backwards.

What’s the best choice from here?

a) try try try you’ll get by

b) let yourself not do programming / thesis work for the rest of the night to start fresh in the morning

c) talk to someone – (about what?)

I’m going to karate. It might help me de-stress or someone might hit me the wrong way and the string will snap and tears will come (mine).

Then I have to prepare for a Christmas party I’m hosting tomorrow night. It is stressful as time is short but at least the work is well-defined cleaning, shopping, baking, and cooking activities that I know I can do and enjoy. Well….except the cleaning part.

Explode!

motomachi shokudo ramen

After getting fitted for an almost free custom made mouthguard by a dentist who is SUPER generous and cares about the teeth of the members at his son’s dojo (Mr. Dentist thank you again so much), I went for ramen with two friends from the club. We went to Motomachi Shokudo on Denman. I * think * it’s new and I * think * it’s run by the same chef who is at Kintaro.

To get my negative comments out of the way, I thought it was too pricey ($8.xx – $10.xx per bowl) and not greasy or salty enough. Though some might find the latter a plus.

Other than that, my favourite things: the smell of the restaurant (a smell that let’s you know ramen is being cooked there), the food presentation (its oishisoh-ness), and the texture of the noodles (firm).

I recommend, but actually, I have not gone to Kintaro yet and I think I might like it there more because I hear it’s cheaper and (on flickr) see that there may be more variety and it might be greasier. Actually, after some research I am learning that Motomachi uses chicken broth for a lighter, more “exquisite” taste. That makes sense then – the ‘oink’ was missing.

skill testing questions

I was just looking up at my ceiling, wondering why nothing is showing up in my outline of my newly imported into Eclipse jython project and I noticed the faint outlines of six stars in a row. Are those for me? Stars for finally installing the JyDT plug-in for Eclipse and getting something to run? The stars are all over my ceiling. Those glow-in-the-dark ones but I would not have noticed them at night because they have been painted over.

Question: if a glow-in-the-dark sticker is painted over, does it still glow?

I’m guessing no because the phosphors cannot be energized by anything.

Today is a day of discovery and realization. Before reading this BoingBoing post, it had never occurred to me that skill testing questions are not normal and that they do not exist outside of Canada. I thought it was just the thing to do when you win a contest. Just one last hurdle to the prize.

Why do we really have them? From wikipedia:

The combined effect of Sections 197 to 206 of the Canadian Criminal Code bans for-profit gaming or betting, with exceptions made for provincial lotteries, licensed casinos, and charity events. (…) These organizations take advantage of the fact that the law does allow prizes to be given for games of skill, or mixed games of skill and chance. In order to make the chance-based contests legal, such games generally have mathematical skill-testing questions incorporated.

I think I remember having an argument with my older brother when I was really really young. We were using the skill-testing-question as as measure of our intelligence and I claimed that my answer, different from his, was right thus I must be more intelligent.

My dad had to break the news that I was wrong and I just couldn’t figure out why. The question was so simple. But this was before learning about the use of parenthesis and order of operations. Actually, after writing that, I got this vague memory of a 5-10 minute period where dad said my answer was right, even though it was not.

I also remember feeling anxiety answering skill-testing questions. Like, everything to win could fall into place but if I got this wrong (shakes fist at self)…

between rain

It was Christmas time two days ago. Now it feels like spring.

I’ll never be able to comprehend this time of year anywhere outside of Saskatchewan.

I think all I have are these photos. This was my day. I woke up, ate breakfast and coded, jogged, showered, went to the uni, coded, had a meeting, coded, went to a cafe, coded, went to karate, came home, coded. I’m in a groove.

I’m liking Python. 

Thursday is St. Nick’s day. Please leave cookies and oranges out for the people you live with. Or…make sure you leave your boots out on Wednesday night.

snow weekend

It started snowing yesterday and then it might have stopped overnight. I don’t know, I was cooped up * trying * to work on thesis.

This morning it was coming down in slow puffs like dandelion fluff in the sky. I watched from inside the kitchen and it made my heart feel all warm inside. It was good but…I felt some frustration because there was no outlet for that happy coziness. I wanted to bake cookies but it wouldn’t be good to take the time and even if I did I’d probably eat them all while writing.

I did go for a walk in the afternoon. The snow reminded me of Saskatchewan (of course), but I was in Vancouver, but Vancouver hidden in a blanket of snow, disguised as Saskatchewan maybe. I sort of felt like I wasn’t in either place. I’m just in some dimension and I can’t leave until I finish my thesis.

Sorry for being such a big sigh but….BBLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!!! I wish I was done. Where are my ruby slippers?

I have 4 mini sections (maybe 2 pages of single spaced writing), half of my concluding contributions and a future work section left before I can say my draft is done. The trouble is that 2 of those mini sections feel really complicated and shaky. I know, I should do the easy ones for now. But I tried to attack one of the hard mini sections and it knocked me out of the ring. Gotta get back in.

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