My day has been a series of technical problems unrelated to my actual problem at hand but large enough that I feel like I have accomplished nothing among my list of things to do.

My laptop is running slowly and it seems to make my mind run slower too.

I had a job interview over the phone last week which I think I bombed when it came to the abstract logic and algorithmic problems. It reminded me of my days in the “gifted program” when we did “stories with a hole” problems. Me, never solving one, wondered why I was there. I think I eventually dropped out. I’m a gifted school drop-out.

I am stressed about finding work this winter.
I am stressed about finishing my thesis.

I am stressed that the work I have done this past fall is not really a contribution to any of the bigger picture.

I need a hug. I know I am lucky to have people cheering me on. But right now they are either far away or close but I can’t afford the time to see them.

Christmas is coming and it is motivating me to move along because soon I will see my family and close friends in Regina. But sometimes I worry that once I’m in that light at the end of the tunnel, I’ll still be blinded by all the things I feel I need to do.

I want to be uber-productive right now but I’m so wound up that it’s just working backwards.

What’s the best choice from here?

a) try try try you’ll get by

b) let yourself not do programming / thesis work for the rest of the night to start fresh in the morning

c) talk to someone - (about what?)

I’m going to karate. It might help me de-stress or someone might hit me the wrong way and the string will snap and tears will come (mine).

Then I have to prepare for a Christmas party I’m hosting tomorrow night. It is stressful as time is short but at least the work is well-defined cleaning, shopping, baking, and cooking activities that I know I can do and enjoy. Well….except the cleaning part.

Explode!