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Weird. I just had a dream that I was inside of my thesis. Trapped among 4 lines or so and trying to make a point of myself.
Archive for Dreams
there’s a title but I’m not finding it
I was in the building of some establishment, cement floors, plastic and chrome chairs, gray, and I walked out onto a balcony. The balcony was set in the side of a mountain belonging to a ring of mountains. It overlooked a deep valley lush in dark green evergreens, filled with fog, and tiled with blue Japanese rooftops surrounding what looked like a castle from Germany. I saw a giant sloth-like creature hanging out on an electricity line running from one side of the mountain ring to another. The creature was mossy green in colour, feathery, had the head of a sloth, but its arms and legs were thick and cylindrical like an elephant’s. I went for my camera. It jumped off the line and…didn’t fly but sort of floated (?) to the side of a tower. It could move very fast. Then it jumped again and came towards the balcony. I was scared. It was right next to me and I couldn’t look and I didn’t know what to do. Then I felt a giant, wet tongue land on my face and with its friendly lick, I woke up.
I think it was encouraging me to be all ganbatte on the thesis. Which is going okay. It feels like it will never end but I know eventually it will. How will I end with it?
Before the valley, in my dream, I had been hanging out in an old gym / greasy diner used primarily by senior citizens. They loved me being there because I was young but I acted like them. All the old men had tiny gym bags and pale hand towels slung over their shoulders.
So today while waiting for a prescription at Shoppers I contemplated being 80 and did the blood pressure check. It was low - too low? I love the feeling of my arm being squeezed as the cuff inflates.
A while before that I was jogging in the forest. Tree branches were sagging under the weight of the snow, adding little obstacles to my course. The only other people out were dog walkers - another obstacle I love. I’m not being sarcastic either. They are fun, squirmy little black, white, and golden hurdles. Otherwise, it was snow-packed-ears quiet and that was great.
I can’t wait to be done.
a m i up
I woke up awfully early this morning. Was thinking about my thesis and couldn’t sleep anymore. I guess that’s how it works. So I made some coffee, worked for a while, and three hours later, was down again for a mid-morning nap. I had forgotten what the mid-morning nap feels like, it’s been a while. I feel very mixed about them. On one hand, there’s the weird buzz from sleep right after coffee and some guilt accompanied with sleeping later in the morning. On the other hand, you wake up and it’s still before noon. You’ve had a nap and you still have the whole day ahead of you. Not like those naps that transition you from dusky daytime to inky nighttime and you wonder why you’re even waking up again but still feel panicked about getting something accomplished before the next sleep.
Morning nap after coffee. I had weird dreams and dreams within my dreams.
I was browsing ancient photos on waffles and found a series of ones taken around Christmas time that I had “forgotten about”. I had a sense that the photos were from a dream (in my dream), and then I think I took a small step from the current dream, became a viewer rather than actor, and saw the pictures as artifacts from another dream that had entered this dream.
The photos: taken at a visit to a large “winter wonderland” studio space equipped with mounds of cotton snow, cardboard log cabins, a white-gray ice skating floor, glitter, soft lights, tangerine and baby blue backgrounds, and candy canes. You could pay to get dressed in costume, skate around the studio, and be recorded.
I watched a video in the collection. I gracefully skated from a cardboard log cabin in green tights and frock, a red handkerchief around my neck and a beaming smile on my face.
It was weird how much I felt like I had actually been there and done that.
But never. Though I was quite happy to see myself skating so well.
blue or green. pick. either way they’ll get you.
This dream was probably influenced by an episode of Buffy that I watched a bit before going to bed. It was truly the creepiest and one of the best episodes that I have seen thus far. But influenced by pre-zzz-tv or not, I think this dream should score some imagination points. It could be made into an episode of Buffy. Or some other tv show that needs a packaged “descending evil + remedy” design.
The evil that descends upon the town I live in:
I am out and about, many people are around. They seem almost normal but many are strangely clustered in groups. They walk around with no expression, like zombies but without the blood and dead skin tones. They are still alive but seem to have no purpose. Groups of 5 to 10 people wander together.
I come to understand that a person becomes one of these zombies immediately after contact with a group of them but only if they are dressed in the same colours as the pack. I see a group of 3 in pastel orange descending on a confused girl in an pastel orange sweater with large white polka dots. Without a mess, she soon has the same dazed look as the rest.
I become a zombie but my dream self just doesn’t really care. It’s fine not caring. I’m wandering around with the group in gray. Occasionally, I see the image of a man’s face flashing in my head. I come to understand (because part of me is going through the zombie motions but another part watching over it all) that all these people are trapped in colour-coded heartache of the past. They travel in their groups of blues, reds, and purples, without free thought, only with images of someone they lost before they changed.
The remedy:
I’m thinking about dead ends. A person would take a few steps forward, stop at an invisible wall, and then step back, re-routing their aimless path. Like a dead end. Then I come to understand that dead ends are the remedy. I find a three meter recess in a pale yellow wall and walk inside, continuing until I hit the wall and * poof * I am not a zombie anymore. I guide another to walk into the wall.
We leave marks behind on the wall. There is a thin burnt outline where my face made contact - it is the image of the man I had in my head. I look behind at some people who seem to be watching my dream with me. “Is this Zorro? It looks like Zorro, there’s the ’stache and dark eyes…why was I in love and then trapped in heartache over Zorro?”
dream: texaco island
Last night I didn’t sleep well. I think my body is fighting something which won’t get the chance to take things over completely (knock on wood) but, it did cause a lot of restless rolling around.
And I dreamed. I’ve been dreaming a lot lately but still dreams I only vaguely remember. Last night’s dreams were longer and epic-like. I traveled to an island that I think was in Japan but it had been Americanized so completely that I don’t think there were any Japanese people there. Or maybe I was actually in America somewhere and I thought it was Japan. I don’t know, it was a weird mash-up and I was stranded at a gas-stop on one side of the island, surrounded by parking spaces, long blades of dried grass, a charcoal gray sky and wind blowing at small white, red, and blue triangle-flag garlands marking the boundaries of the establishments sharing that slab of concrete. How could it have been Japan? Maybe because I felt I was somewhere foreign? Because I think I had reservations at a ryokan across the island but I had no idea how to get there. I was lost. I had no money. I had my cell phone but only one bar of battery power, no charger, and it was actually not subscribed to a network - really it was a clock for me to monitor how much time I had before something happened.
I knew something would happen but I don’t know what. I had mud on my pants and I was planning where I could, as a last resort, find warmth and curl up for a night nap. My dream occasionally cut to sequences showing the people who I had gone to the island with. They were wondering where I could be. But, my sleeping self wondered if this was actually happening (in my dream) or only my dreaming self’s fantasy of people wanting to find her. Then I couldn’t even remember how I came to be where I was, and who I had been with before.
I woke up from that, not lost, in my room, but my mind still heavily in the state it was during the dream. Falling back to sleep again, I found myself in a room on a high floor in an apartment building. A lot of people were coming in and out and for each person, I had to be suspicious of whether they were on my side or not. I think this part of my dream may have been influenced by my recent Buffy watching - but I don’t think I was questioning whether these people were vampires or not. More like spies. There was a heavy early 80s spy show atmosphere. Someone left a cigarette burning on a dark brown wood coffee table. The rest of the furniture was similar to that in my home before we moved to Regina (pre-1986).
I’m rabbling aren’t I? I guess the dreams didn’t really have remarkable events, just heavy atmospheres and an ongoing feeling that I need to be prepared for something.
Stress much?
sleep by a river and you will be watched
Woke up from my 3 hours of sleep with a small cry. Did you guys in the house hear it? It may not have been loud, maybe only a voiced gasp. It was that kind of cry that, in your dream cannot escape and only begins to leak out as you being to gain consciousness. Then, when your eyes fixate on something in the darkness of your real room and your brain imagines that as the thing in your dream you are (waking up) (running away) from, the scream receives a sudden final push from your mouth.
In my dream I was hanging out by rivers in Japan. Initially there were people. Later the river seemed to be in the middle of nowhere but surrounded by cement. The stage of my dream was in front of a large cement wall - an area that could be under a bridge but I don’t recall there being a full bridge built over the river. Maybe only the wall and an overhanging slab, the rest of the bridge broken off. I had knowledge that there was a city in the not so far distance. I had to make this my home and hide that from the authorities of the city.
A structure was built on the cement bank in front of the cement wall, dividing a large square area into two with a frame running diagonally to join the enclosing frames and from these frames (I don’t know what else to call them) sheets and panels were hung, gaps between them. I made my resting grounds in one area and an old homeless man was in the other.
(Possibly my first night sleeping there) I awoke with an uneasy feeling. I looked to the “doorway” of my area. I could see the upper left corner of a pair of glasses frames peeking from the doorway wall. I moved forward and caught a glimpse of the side of a face which then retreated backwards. I threw something at the doorway and tried to scream but could not. A pair of legs stepped through the doorway, moving a body towards the right side of my “bed”. Half my mind tried to scream again and the other half went for safety but as my eyes opened in the real world it saw a jacket and towels hanging in front of me, creating shadows like those of a body standing over me. A dream figure jumped from those shadows and landed besides the mattress I was sleeping on (which is on the floor). Then I woke up completely.
For a long time afterwards I felt really uneasy and even now if I remember the image of those glasses peeking in the doorway I get freaked out. I think I’ve already had dreams like this one - ones where I am being watched and often by someone who is peering through a doorway. Are these dreams an effect of any specific mental state?
10 days
10 days and I go back. It doesn’t seem real. Nothing seems real these days so it is hard to write about anything. I know my reality is that I am sitting in my room, my throat is dry, I am working on a presentation and final report of my work at NTT, and getting a little sleepy. But when I am not thinking about this real, my mind is standing 5 steps away from my body - wondering, dreaming, analyzing, planning. Every minute that ticks away is another minute gone.
I can’t begin to imagine what it is like for someone who is told they will die in some given time frame. With me I know there is an after but what that is - I have no clue. I only know it will be completely different from the before and the during.
Before: when I lived in Vancouver I slept a lot. I just read this bit on 10 foods for a good night’s sleep: bananas, honey, potatoes, oatmeal, almonds, flaxseeds, and whole-wheat bread…all but one were regular stock in my kitchen. I think I must have eaten to sleep.
Now: it is hard for me to sleep nowadays and I have oddly waken up at 3:20am every night for the past 3 nights.
I think that is all. My attention span has also been very short lately. I’ve been watching an episode of the Simpsons today in 2 minute intervals. I think I can finish it before bedtime! (or watch it when I wake up at 3:20am)
i am sorry honey but i have to go north
A phone conversation about weddings with a friend before going to sleep might have had something to do with it but, last night I dreamt of a wedding, my wedding - I was marrying a guy from highschool. I won’t say who it was but he was a nice, funny, popular guy who I probably didn’t talk to a single time throughout those four years. Why him I don’t know.
Anyway, we met again in Japan and for some reason that my dream didn’t bother showing, we really hit it off and decided that we should marry before either of us went back to Canada. One day after work two friends took me to a large, dark church and I was really nervous because I didn’t have anything to touch up my makeup with and my hair had not been cut in a while. They took me to a dark hall in the basement - low ceilings and izakaya tables. My fiance’s friends were already into the beer. In a side room I met him, he was wearing a gray tuxedo and also looked a little nervous but determined. “My mother came”, he said. “Oh wow - mine didn’t can I borrow yours?” She came into the room and after introduction we talked about all the places we might have met before.
I didn’t dream about the actual ceremony. I don’t know if there was one. There might have just been some introductions, drinking, the signing of a document and then suddenly I was in a large kitchen helping my new mother-in-law prep things for dinner. I was cutting something, I can’t remember what, into small cubes but it seemed to me an endless impossible task because no matter how many times I cut piece after piece in half, they seemed to stay the same size.
“When is he coming back?” I asked my mother-in-law. “I don’t know”, she responded, “but this is very important to him”. I then came to know (my dream-self knew this already) that immediately after the wedding my husband left for Alaska. He was Jewish and in Alaska a sacred mineral or scripture related to the Jewish faith had been found. The journey was dangerous but they said that he who comes into contact with this mineral or cave or scripture or stone or whatever it was will have something amazing happen to them. That I also can’t remember even though my mother-in-law talked about it with great detail and reverence while washing vegetables.
I understood that he had to be gone and I understood that maybe I would never see him again. Until he came back or until I received papers confirming his death or a request for divorce, I would stay in the kitchen cutting food endlessly.
I woke up thinking about how I can divorce him. He was a really great guy but we were just an odd couple.
don’t drink that strawberry liqueur
Last night I dreamt that I was being followed by a gang of three 20-year-old vampires. One had glowing green eyes, one had glowing blue eyes and the other was somewhere in between - a more green than blue turquoise. Usually when I have dreams of people chasing me for my life and blood I quickly get lazy and I stop trying to get away. What’s the worse they can do anyway? I’m dreaming. But in this dream if these vampires caught me I would become a zombie. Different from the usual becoming a vampire yourself, joining their clan and have loads of fun for eternity. So for the first time like, ever, I had an amazing amount of resistance to letting these vampires capture me. I didn’t know that I was so opposed to having little control. The zombie life could be nice, relaxing even? But I guess I enjoy life’s occasional moments where you can marvel at an ingenious hiding place found or your own ability to gradually get over the fear of things chasing you. In the end I tricked the head vampire into drinking two glasses of a strawberry liqueur lethal to those under 21. He died and even before that the other two were kind of getting fed up with his all-stand-45cm-behind-me nature so they didn’t care so much and didn’t bother to continue the efforts of his chase.
Update: On further dream recollection the strawberry liqueur may have been Baha Rosa and it makes more sense that a beverage became my wooden stake.
woke up in kyoto this morning
waking up first thoughts:
- someone’s phone is ringing, no that’s my alarm
- wait a minute, I can’t leave this dream I wasn’t done that conversation
- my face feels greasy
- my teeth are wearing sweaters
- am I hot or cold?
- my mind is here my vision is not
- was I going to wake up today?
- is that really sunshine or is the day just happy to see me?
- how can I get coffee?
- have I changed position since I fell asleep?
- is someone expecting me?
- where am I?
- did I say bye before I left my dream?
- are there really bugs crawling on my ceiling or are those eye spots?
- where is food?
- this seems to be my reality. What if one day it is not?
- uuuuuuuuuuuuuggggh………
- (…)
Continue the list in the comments or share your related story.
skewed
How does one manage to get anything accomplished when day after day you learn more and the work of yesterday seems juvenile and unfounded. This is why I have these reoccurring dreams where I am trying to get somewhere but anytime I try to button my jacket up, I am always one button off. Usually the only way to proceed is to go out jacketless. A similar thing happens with pants but that is more about my fear of being abandoned then it is about my ability to maintain confidence in my ideas and thoughts. But I guess…I guess I could go out with my jacket buttoned in a one-button-off style and just get the work done.
freddy on the beach
It is this kind of picture that will make me miss Japan when I go.
Last night I dreamt that I was on Elm Street as in Nightmare on Elm Street but it wasn’t quite the suburban street it is in the movies. More a small beachside condo area with fog and white sand. There wasn’t too much Freddy either. At one point the dream atmosphere got a little scary and there was some dude in a red and black striped shirt riding a huge tractor along the beach but then the tractor fell over and all I could see was one stripped arm sticking out from underneath. I think it was an Elm Street, the Simpsons, the Wizard of Oz mix with a hint of Point Break.
Dream last night:
New Years Eve and I am in the strangest Japan/Vancouver/Regina mashup with the girls off to some party. We are walking down a narrow street with high buildings like in Japan but the architecture and sunshine is from Regina and the smell and fashion from Vancouver. I realize that I forgot to wear shoes and say that I am going to head back for a moment. Some guy offers to lend me the yellow plastic slippers he is wearing but I decline. His feet might get cold in the slush on the ground. I will catch up. I turn around and head back to where? I guess home as I walk and walk and walk the things around me become more and more Regina and there is more and more snow. Then I am home, at my home in Regina but possibly structured a little differently. In the basement/garage/crawlspace I find a suitcase of clothes, a bath and a mirror. I should shower. Then change clothes. I spend a lot of dream time doing this and eventually realize that time is getting later and later and later and how will I get to that party. I don’t know if I ever find my shoes. I call someone on their cell - actually, people are leaving. OK - that is okay it is just confirming that New Year’s Eve is not my thing. It is a time for me to step back, step outside the world and wait until the celebrations are done. That’s what the dream felt like. I met up with Kim and Jemma later and we were walking down a Vancouver street at 3am and someone suggested we enter this one cafe for a slice of wheat cake that I thought was much too expensive ($8.50) even if we shared the price. No I can’t pay $8.50 for a piece of cake that is trying to be healthy! They had the cake’s recipe printed on the menu (too bad I can never really focus on those things in dreams…it’s possible that was some tasty cake). I think I eventually made it home. I sat on the floor in the living room. My mother was sleeping on the couch, my sister watching a movie and laughing and after all that walking around 3 different places I have lived with some anxiety over what to do about my shoes - I felt really really comfortable.
I have not had a long-strong dream in a while but I did last night. It might be this chest cold, a little hard to breath now and it wakes me up at night. It might be the chest cold medication I took before bed that still has my head in the clouds today. Whatever…it was nice.
It is currently warmer outside than in my apartment. A week ago I learned that my airconditioner doubles as a heater. I had an evening of glorious hot air and now, only a flashing green light. So yesterday I slept, I sat in hot water, I bundled.
I think I am being a wimp to the cold. I mean…it is still above zero. But my body is just not taking it this year. How will I react to Saskatchewan? Oh yeah wait though…I know how to work the heaters in SK.
I did have the most amazing dream the other night. At the park near my apartment (right next to the water) a charcoal sky storm was in progress. The most gigantic wave reached up further than my field of dream-view and then came crashing down on me. I lived, of course, so it was really cool. Can’t believe I conjured that one up.
cold shoulders
You know how there are those people who remember everything you tell them about yourself? At the same time, there are those who do not remember anything at all. Conversation comes around to something you know you have already mentioned but it is like they are being told anew. You feel a pang of hurt and disconnection. Were they listening that time? Do they register anything about you? Do they care? You feel an imbalance of interest. You are paying them way more attention than they to you. It feels negative and scary.
On the other hand, there is a certain amount of freedom and excitement. Flexibility in viewpoint because they won’t remember your opinion. You can change it. They won’t call you on your contradictions and we all have contradictions a plenty. I can be as repetitive on the outside as I am on the inside.
But…do they forget because they are forgetful or because they couldn’t be bothered with you? I ask because I often find myself chasing after the people who forget me the most.
Yeah. I am sounding high school. No, maybe not high school but…depicting an experience in general vague terms to avoid seeming as though I am talking about a specific person…ugh. Maybe there are specifics but the thoughts are general…really.
For a while I had not been dreaming too deeply but the past few nights have brought about sleep adventures. The dreams have all had varying details but a common theme has been my hot and cold interactions with people I know. Random people - some from here, some from there, some from a long time ago. Crazy fluctuations between bonding in an incredible way and then getting the cold shoulder. One morning I woke up and thought “yeah…I deserved that” another morning, “no she would never do that” and then another “wow - what if that’s the way it really is?”.
Gee after not posting for a week you think I would deliver some at least a little upbeat goods. Soon. My sister is here and we are having a good time. Last weekend was spent in Kyoto and there are some flickr photos up in rememberance of that. I might possibly get around to explaining some of the them…I hope.
