Archive for Reflection
September 11, 2007 at 5:10 pm · Filed under Reflection, Work
In research frameworks can be created to help understand the way things. The frameworks can direct production that comes out of the research. They can lead to new frameworks and they can alter themselves. They are ways to organize our thoughts and make sense of things. Categorization, labeling, sorting, reference.
The problem is getting trapped by a framework. Enjoying its organization but in reality, the framework’s existence provides no benefit. In fact, it may be and likely is blinding you to other ways of thinking.
Then the scary thing is when you do realize that the framework is just a perception, one way to look at the picture. Unfortunately the first thought is usually not “oh yeah! this is a SHAM let’s move on!!” but the face winces and wonders – “oh how much did this sham eat? how many months has it been?”
I am writing a final report and feeling the above. The second part…I almost got to moving on but was stopped by the “how?” It is a little bit worsened by considering that this is not only applicable to research but to all areas of life.
But the thing that I must remember right now is that the small every-15-minute-what-was-I-thinking winces shouldn’t be giving me large I-should-stop-doing-stuff winces. No…they are all part of some learning / growing process that is life I guess. I have to consider that these winces make my life richer.
Y’all understanding the wince I’m talking about? I bite my lower lip and suck air in. What do you do?
June 7, 2007 at 1:35 pm · Filed under Reflection
After purchasing 神の雫 I walked by a display of “drawings of dad” put up for father’s day. What did I notice the most? The large number of fathers drawn with a 5-o’clock shadow. I don’t know why this struck me. No I do – I feel sensitive to the stereotypical situation of a Japanese family: mother at home and father who is never home during the week and come weekend his children don’t know his face. It is a stereotype, not all families are like this but still…when I hear about situations supporting the stereotype I am sad. The stubble makes me think that someone is working hard, over working. It makes me think that the only image a child has of his or her father is of an overworking man.
But I guess most of the faces are smiling. That is good. Maybe I feel a little sad when I think about family-style in Japan but I have to remember that most of the sadness is rooted in the expectations I developed for what a family should be. These children likely have different expectations and are probably (hopefully) happy in life.
Heh – and my dad had a beard so I guess we could never use stumble as a “how hard is dad working” indicator anyway.
January 31, 2007 at 6:19 pm · Filed under Reflection, Spend spend spend!
On a slightly related note to some current research thoughts, in December I received my first batch of 100 mooCards. My intentions were to use them as business cards. Given that I will not be at NTT forever, and not be at UBC forever (god I hope), I made them a generic Meghan card with my email address and a link to this site.
A few weeks ago I was at a meeting and was presented with my first opportunity to hand out my cool new cards but I totally couldn’t. Possibly because the meeting was fairly formal (I wore my new brown dress pants…I bought brown dress pants in Japan because…they fit…but they look the same as my highschool chemistry teacher’s) but this ran through my head: “which one do I give???!!! are there any vulgar pictures on them I can’t remember??? this might take too much time…I have to select!”.
MooCards are too personal for business-card-ing. Each one shows a little piece of what I have seen. The variety too. Different pictures have different meanings to me and choosing them can’t be random. The best thing for me to do would be to let the receiver choose but I don’t think that fits the business card exchange model. Perhaps I need an automatic MooCard dispenser. A small camera could detect the crispness of the receiver’s suit(clothing) and dispense a properly themed card.
January 16, 2007 at 6:52 pm · Filed under Random Thoughts, Reflection, Thinking
If what I could write about was like going to a party, I’d be showing up naked for that party and while I might entertain and it would be the most honest thing for me to do, I don’t know if it would be socially acceptable and it could haunt me the next day.
Things in this box have been slow. There is a lot I could potentially fill it with but it all seems too personal. Lately I’ve been debating whether it seems too personal because it is or because I am too scared and retreating into myself.
Or it might be because I don’t have Internet in my apartment or because of this whole actually being productive for most of an entire day thing.
I have thoughts of shutting things down, closing the box. But I don’t want to. I need an outlet. But is this it? Lately I am lacking a satisfying way to express myself. I am racking my brain to find out what that new way will be.
I am a little scared that it is just me getting older and jaded and not so expressive.
My song today (thanks to younger bro): Clap Your Hands Say Yeah’s “The Skin of my Yellow Country Teeth”.
July 6, 2006 at 3:34 pm · Filed under Reflection, Thinking
Yesterday on entering my work building, a front entrance security guard substituted the usual “ohayoo gozaimasu” for “good morning”. It made me smile and today I tried to be louder and clearer with my ohayoo gozaimasu reply. Usually I just mutter it under my breath because I am not sure if it is normal for people to reply. But that’s silly isn’t it? It is silly that I consider what the normal response should be instead of going with my instinctual [you wave I wave back even if I don't know you].
Last weekend was good. I went to a BBQ on Canada Day (had my own little inner celebration) with people from my work group and many people who used to work with the group as well as family members. At first I was a little nervous because I only knew a few of the people there…but they were amazingly nice so I had a great time. On Sunday a new NTT intern from Canada arrived so I took her out for some shopping and a cooking class which I will hopefully post about soon.
This week I find myself reflecting on home a lot. Not so much things at home, but people. I am thinking a lot about all you out there back in Canada. I wouldn’t say I am “missing” people (I don’t often feel “miss” (??)), but I am wondering about the changes in people’s lives, how people are growing, how much will be changed when I get back, and how much I will be changed. Sometimes I worry that I will come back and the physical distance I have with people here will be translated to mental distances when we are close again. I also think about relationships I will develop here, and if they will be maintainable in the years after my Japan experience. It is weird to think about the lack of permanence I have here. I could come and then go and then be gone and to some I will just be “that intern from Canada”. Is it conceited to say that I want to be remembered?
So lately I have been thinking about how I can make my experience worth it, how I can make an impression on people that will last and how I can build strong friendship ties. My goal (heh, tell me if this is realistic or not) is to make at least one friendship where I am able to convince that person to visit Regina with me.
Maybe that is actually code for “I want to find a Japanese guy that I can bring home to meet my mom”. Who knows : P! I don’ t know if I know any single people here. It seems that most are married or close to it and I think that might affect my perception of being single. In Vancouver marriage seemed like something in the distant future – similar to how a driver’s license seems when you are 8…man, it is totally far away. Now it is dawning on me that just like I got my driver’s license and smoked my first cigarette and made my first credit card transaction (not necessarily in that order), I might also someday get married. That is scary. But exciting. But scary. So scary that I can’t talk about marriage without using a lot of words to express uncertainty. “Hmm…maybe it is possible that I could get married someday to someone from somewhere in the world and I might be happy about it.” I guess I should really take advantage of these years…I guess I am doing that. Just need to remember to relish in singledom while I have it (is that the proper use of relish?). Being single means that I can shamelessly conduct cereal experiments. More to come on that soon if I can learn how to make appropriate use of my afterhours and find the right bowl.
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