Archive for Thinking
August 12, 2008 at 2:32 am · Filed under Thinking
I was just outside to see if I could catch a glimpse of any the Perseids meteors. I didn’t go very far from my home but waited in a spot where a relatively large number of stars were visible in the clear sky. I waited until my neck got sore and my eyes watery, burning, and seeing white dots that are most distracting on this type of occasion. Now that I’m back, I feel directed to mention my lack of food holiday celebrations.
Have you ever made s’mores without the open fire? It’s very posssible, there are instructions on the graham cracker box to do so but…still. Over the weekend both the weather and my schedule were not conducive to a bonfire on the beach or sitting around a coal BBQ. Not to say it wasn’t a highly enjoyable weekend and I didn’t get my BBQ fill.
But roasting marshmallows over the mini Coleman gas BBQ? (Coal BBQs are acceptable as it brings back childhood memories.) The spirit was not there and honestly, my spirit for food in general has been waning with this project. Over the weekend I stopped looking forward to the Raspberry Bombe, Filet Mignon, and Lemon Meringue Pie that were to be celebrated this week. I did make rice pudding on Saturday but couldn’t bring myself to draw the frozen custard. So I’m wrapping the project up, ditching the schedule of occasion and from here on I will celebrate the desserts and food I want to when I want to. Of course if you’re ever in the mood to celebrate a specific food day, I would be an enthusiastic participant :)
July 24, 2008 at 9:40 pm · Filed under Learning, Thinking
To end the day I sip tequila for happy tequila day.
I don’t know anything about tequila except that it’s more than the burning liquid people shoot back with salt and lime. This tequila is sweet and citrus-y. I love holding it under my nose.
Gregor’s take: “It’s nice…I’m enjoying this. Very nice aftertaste too. Delicate aroma.” (swishing around mouth a bit) “Powerful reaction. I dunno. It taste like any other spirits you know. When it hits your tongue your throat you have that kind of breathtaking moment. Soft and subtle aftertaste….man you type fast.”
February 21, 2008 at 8:00 pm · Filed under Thinking
I guess I feel more officially unemployed today than yesterday so it could be considered day one but if I am to follow my logic over feelings (can I actually divide them?), today is day two.
It being such a beautiful day, I packed a lunch and went to the beach. The sand was cold under my bum and the book I was reading was quite pessimistic, it tasted quite off under the blue sky. My mind wandered. I thought about my life in 5 years and whether or not it will involve sufficient daylight and time for strolls.
December 1, 2007 at 11:59 am · Filed under Thinking
I have notes. I actually have a list of things that I want to write about. They’ve been building up in this time of so many things crucial for me to be writing: thesis, documentation of my work in the lab this fall, cover letters, correspondence with potential new roommates, portfolio, complaint letters…
Yes, I wrote a complaint letter the other week. It contained bits like “incurring serious injuries” and “not at an adequate level of safety”. Besides there being an issue that needed to be addressed on behalf of many people, it was really good personal experience writing the letter - wanting to make a point that is taken seriously with action not defense. I could further develop this skill by writing another letter, maybe this time to Translink about bus drivers that talk on the mobile while driving. Really?!
But there are other forms of writing that need exercise and I am in wonder over what an art it is - not literature writing art but the technique needed to craft documentation and correspondence and so on. To have a purpose and something specific that you want to change inside the reader as he/she goes from beginning to (you hope) the end.
Yesterday I was surprised to find a card addressed to me in the mail. By the names and address on the envelope, I guessed who it was from (a couple I only met once) and what it likely was about (coming to my home on Halloween, when I first met them) quickly and my social behaviour assumptions had me thinking it was a thank you card but even then, I was in disbelief that people would send a thank you card after coming over once and thought there might be something else to it. Did they forget something? Did they have a question? Was it a general invitation to some event?
No it was just a thank you card. A beautiful design on the front, blank inside save for two entries, four sentences each, written in different coloured inks. They thanked me for having them over, for the good time, made a joke in references to an event during that evening, and the no obligations request for me to let them host me sometime. So cool and graceful. I felt happy and connected - and I didn’t think it was weird and this is good to know because…
…now is a time for me to connect with people I don’t know well and to stay in touch with those I have gotten to know. Though I often hesitate to communicate because I worry about the burden of my words. Do they have the time? Can they spare the distraction? Are they emotionally available? And so on…
Task: Make a list of all the people I want to contact about something but am avoiding. Then contact them.
Geez….I even hesitated to write that last line.
November 28, 2007 at 9:51 pm · Filed under Thinking
They unveiled the Vancouver 2010 Olympic mascots, Sumi, Quatchi and Miga, and there has been criticism that the characters are too cartoon like…ie. too “Pokemon” like. But I saw them and I think they are absolutely adorable! I love them. Yeah, they could be influenced by character designs with roots in Japan and maybe I am biased from being there for a year and a half but…
I wish people who complained would at least include a picture of what they think the mascots should look like.
And I also think that they scream Vancouver. Although I am mixed on the use of mythical creatures important to a culture that only seems to be shown in the light when mascots, souvenirs, and other things representing what is “uniquely Canadian” are needed.
November 15, 2007 at 7:30 pm · Filed under I am feeling..., Thinking
Last night I got a sliver in my foot. Tweezers, nail clippers, and a file were no help so I hit the sack - maybe it would work its way out by morning. I moisturized my feet before sleeping, in the event that someone would have to help me remove a still-there-sliver, because I know sandpaper is not the greatest texture, and I moisturized in the morning before my jog.
The jog was hard. My body was not feeling with it. I remembered my old dog Robyn and how she would only go for walks with my mother. If anyone else tried to take her that person would get 20 feet from the house and then Robyn would stop, sit, and go no further. That’s what my legs felt like and I think that in some way, it had to do with the sliver. I was not in much pain, only some discomfort, but mentally all my energy was being poured in a thin stream focusing on that one point at the bottom of my foot.
I made it back and felt happy that although it was a sluggish jog, at least I got out there. I went into the bathroom, undressed, turned on the water, and stepped one still kind of moisturized foot into the tub then SLIP! That foot and the foot outside the tub both slid and I crashed down, knocking over bottles of shampoo and conditioner, catching my self with the heel of one hand, my left rib cage, and the left side of my face.
I got up and took a deep breath. Then I cried. Not for a long time but just, a 5 second cry to release a little ball of emotion that had been shaken up. I thought, I don’t want to hurt anything. If I injured myself and couldn’t run and couldn’t practice karate - what would make me happy? It was such a scary thought and then I was further shocked by the realization of how much these things mattered to me. It’s a good thing, to have something in your life that you hold dear, but there was another half to that realization - that I haven’t felt very strongly about things dear to me in a long time. At least not explicitly, openly, in a way that I am actually living it. To protect myself? Yes…probably. If nothing is dear than you can handle losing it. But…those are some murky, gray waters to swim in. Not so much swim, maybe float, face up to avoid facing what you have gotten yourself into.
How will this experience change? What is my “for now on I shall always do/be _______”? I don’t know yet. It could be a lesson that started with a sliver or it could be karma for the 25 cent chocolate I “bought” at the Dan-d-Pak Mart but on looking at my receipt later in the evening, had not been charged for it. Should I go back and give them the 25 cents and (probably I should) what do I tell them? “Don’t worry, it gave me a sliver.”
October 25, 2007 at 10:42 pm · Filed under On the Train / Bus, Thinking
girl on mobile: “…and she forgot to get a morning after piiilll…but, like, keep it low…”
…
…
Just a reminder to myself of the weird ways in which we reveal private information to strangers.
I also think about how sometimes we say things like this within earshot of strangers because we are really itching to say it to a lot of people but know not to blab in a close circle of friends. Well, except to that one person on the other line.
September 27, 2007 at 5:54 am · Filed under Thinking
I have too much crap!
Today I emptied my storage container. After a year and a half I was reunited with my Vancouver possessions. Below is what was my container, a picture taken when about 65% of my things had already been packed into a minivan.
Everything completely filled the back (seats taken out). Thank you Hendrik, thank you so much! He had the genius to angle a folding table into an “L”-shape so that it could fit together. I was tetris-impressed.
Now I have boxes and boxes of things and not much place to put them. Some of it I am very happy to see again. Like my blanket, my housecoat, towels, my table…all the really functional things. Things that keep me warm or let me put stuff on/in them.
Then there is all the random crap I’ve picked up along the way. I see it and I just feel buuuuuuurdened. “I was fine without you. I am independent now.”
I will probably warm up to somethings. Other things…well, a garage sale is in order. Also, from now on…well…in Japan I did a pretty good job at keeping purchases low, not buying room decorations and things like, no matter how kawaii. I think I will be able to continue that here. Right now I feel value in owning as little as possible.
Except for clothes…
September 21, 2007 at 11:41 am · Filed under Thinking
Yesterday I moved into my new room and now I feel a bit more settled into Vancouver life. I actually slept through the night, nine sweet hours and no scary dreams. My body is also thanking me for bringing it back to a dryer climate. My hair and skin feel softer, not clammy and greasy.
Remembering the little things like cheap apples, good coffee, and a forest to jog through help me better accept and be happy with my return to Canada.
But there are still memories. How long will they last? In what way will I stay connected? The above picture is of the window in my new room. You can’t see but the walls are blue. I love it. The glass vase and the paper crab are both from girls trips I took (Hakone and Shibu onsen). I put them there for now - want to remember to, in a few weeks, write a letter to the girls I worked with.
September 19, 2007 at 7:30 am · Filed under Thinking
Culture shock. I am back. People are…different. They are playing Bob Dylan in this cafe and when trying to staple my receipts together with an empty stapler the cashier laughed “it’s dead”. Personal space boundaries are so different.
July 13, 2007 at 11:02 pm · Filed under I'm a Nerd, Thinking
I am doing apartment cleaning and considering things that need to be gone before I leave (to avoid a mad scramble in September). I can only take a large suitcase, a large backpack, and large tupperware container, a small backpack and a carry on suitcase of things back with me. OK so I don’t need to worry too much but…
…the old shoes can’t come with me. No matter how attached I feel to them.
This morning I threw away the keds (March 2006 - March 2007):
Bought the week before I came to Japan and worn until I came back to Vancouver a year later.
More heartbreaking, I through away my Sugar shoes (August 2002 - sometime winter 2007):
They were purchased when I visited my sister in San Fran that many summers ago. I could probably still get another year or so out of them but really, I have not worn them much since the fall and I don’t flatten well for packing.
Actually as I wrote the above I thought about shoe bronzing but that would be heavy and bulky still. Then I thought - oh - I totally should have taken them apart and at least made something with them (something flat). To late…darn it.
April 7, 2007 at 9:48 am · Filed under Thinking
It is good friday - a good friday. I slept in and decided not to worry about things today. I went to Calhoun’s to work instead of the lab because it is a holiday after all. Also missed Vancouver coffee houses. There is something about Calhoun’s that I don’t like. Maybe that they cater but their food is still not that great. Maybe because they seem overly concerned with making money and when I sit in there I feel as though I am being “priveleged”. But the large space and coffee the size of my head wins me over.
Afterwards my plan was to go to the lab but in front of the bus stop was another café offering free wireless: Kava - on W Broadway near Macdonald Street. A little stark in atmosphere for my tastes but the walls were a good colour and it is the type of place where, if you sit near the front window, you can feel as though you are taking advantage of a sunny day even if you are sitting inside.
I am not used to afternoon coffee and I may have screwed myself out of a good sleep tonight but, besides being a bit wired, a feel really peaceful having been able to enjoy the places I was in today.
Unfortunately, I have not been able to find a place similar in comfort in Japan (not to say that there are not comfortable places there - just of a different form).
but
Is this because these places do not exist in Japan or because, given my background, I cannot find the same comfort and atmosphere in the Japanese equivalent?
Does someone from Japan sit in a Vancouver café and feel an atmosphere that they cannot find back home?
April 4, 2007 at 8:49 am · Filed under Thinking
It is a beautiful day outside. The sky is so clear. You can see the mountains perfectly. I keep on leaning over from my desk to have a peak. Vancouver is just gorgeous now. This morning I went for a run in Pacific Spirit Park and it was great. I forgot how much I love mossiness.
I still miss Japan a little. But, going to savour Vancouver things for the next three weeks, and then I will savour things in Japan again.
An incredibly weird thing about being here is my Gtalk list. I am in the same time zone and it makes me feel closer to people on my contact list - even those in Regina - people still somewhat far away.
Going to see Ali now. Excited!! It’s been a year!!
Also P.S. found new shoes yesterday. That took me…6 hours after arriving in Vancouver. I really really wanted shoes. I still want more.
April 3, 2007 at 8:20 am · Filed under Thinking
I am back in Vancouver. My flight went extraordinarily smoothly, the cherry blossoms are still in bloom, the walls of the room I will stay in are yellow and yes…it is nice to be back. But I miss Japan already. I just looked at my last post - the picture. It is almost from a story book. I get to go back. But then after that? On the way to Narita I was thinking to myself - this year, it has possibly destroyed my ability to settle down somewhere normal (ie. Canada)…settle down? I am contemplating how much I want to do that.
In the cab this morning we drove by the Dunbar houses on hills - large, 3-storied, lawns, landscapes, etc. The dream house but how much work? To pay for it and to keep it up. Then you have this huge house for your children to stay inside of all day and run around the spacious rooms but…you are chained to that property.
Anyway…sidetrack. I am falling asleep and need to stay up for 6 more hours. What to do, what to do…shopping? I need to shoes. Since I can’t keep my eyes open at the computer it might mean that I should hit Gravity Pope…
March 27, 2007 at 12:41 pm · Filed under Thinking
The feet again. Because I have been thinking a lot about where I am going. On Monday it will be back to Vancouver for 3 weeks. I can buy new shoes. The ones in this picture were bought right before coming to Japan. Both have toe area holes and an elastic in one has snapped so lately they have stayed at home but I don’t think I will throw them out. They were (are) my Japan shoes.
I came here a year ago today (if I remember correctly). It is a little scary. I am happy about the ways I have grown and what I have learned but I have also realized about 30% of my adultness to bring me to a current total of about 55%. All rough calculations of course. Based on an average number of sighs in response to things people younger than me do per week.
Then there are ways in which I have not changed and vicious circles I still walk. They’ve been heavily on the mind in these past months. Sometimes I have felt like I might explode. And maybe I thought that by thinking about it, and analyzing what I do - I can find a solution and change myself and make it better.
On the other hand. Maybe there is no real problem besides me declaring problems.
Today I am baffled by what the mind can up.
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