Archive for Thinking
I guess I feel more officially unemployed today than yesterday so it could be considered day one but if I am to follow my logic over feelings (can I actually divide them?), today is day two.
It being such a beautiful day, I packed a lunch and went to the beach. The sand was cold under my bum and the book I was reading was quite pessimistic, it tasted quite off under the blue sky. My mind wandered. I thought about my life in 5 years and whether or not it will involve sufficient daylight and time for strolls.
I have notes. I actually have a list of things that I want to write about. They’ve been building up in this time of so many things crucial for me to be writing: thesis, documentation of my work in the lab this fall, cover letters, correspondence with potential new roommates, portfolio, complaint letters…
Yes, I wrote a complaint letter the other week. It contained bits like “incurring serious injuries” and “not at an adequate level of safety”. Besides there being an issue that needed to be addressed on behalf of many people, it was really good personal experience writing the letter – wanting to make a point that is taken seriously with action not defense. I could further develop this skill by writing another letter, maybe this time to Translink about bus drivers that talk on the mobile while driving. Really?!
But there are other forms of writing that need exercise and I am in wonder over what an art it is – not literature writing art but the technique needed to craft documentation and correspondence and so on. To have a purpose and something specific that you want to change inside the reader as he/she goes from beginning to (you hope) the end.
Yesterday I was surprised to find a card addressed to me in the mail. By the names and address on the envelope, I guessed who it was from (a couple I only met once) and what it likely was about (coming to my home on Halloween, when I first met them) quickly and my social behaviour assumptions had me thinking it was a thank you card but even then, I was in disbelief that people would send a thank you card after coming over once and thought there might be something else to it. Did they forget something? Did they have a question? Was it a general invitation to some event?
No it was just a thank you card. A beautiful design on the front, blank inside save for two entries, four sentences each, written in different coloured inks. They thanked me for having them over, for the good time, made a joke in references to an event during that evening, and the no obligations request for me to let them host me sometime. So cool and graceful. I felt happy and connected – and I didn’t think it was weird and this is good to know because…
…now is a time for me to connect with people I don’t know well and to stay in touch with those I have gotten to know. Though I often hesitate to communicate because I worry about the burden of my words. Do they have the time? Can they spare the distraction? Are they emotionally available? And so on…
Task: Make a list of all the people I want to contact about something but am avoiding. Then contact them.
Geez….I even hesitated to write that last line.
They unveiled the Vancouver 2010 Olympic mascots, Sumi, Quatchi and Miga, and there has been criticism that the characters are too cartoon like…ie. too “Pokemon” like. But I saw them and I think they are absolutely adorable! I love them. Yeah, they could be influenced by character designs with roots in Japan and maybe I am biased from being there for a year and a half but…
I wish people who complained would at least include a picture of what they think the mascots should look like.
And I also think that they scream Vancouver. Although I am mixed on the use of mythical creatures important to a culture that only seems to be shown in the light when mascots, souvenirs, and other things representing what is “uniquely Canadian” are needed.
Last night I got a sliver in my foot. Tweezers, nail clippers, and a file were no help so I hit the sack – maybe it would work its way out by morning. I moisturized my feet before sleeping, in the event that someone would have to help me remove a still-there-sliver, because I know sandpaper is not the greatest texture, and I moisturized in the morning before my jog.
The jog was hard. My body was not feeling with it. I remembered my old dog Robyn and how she would only go for walks with my mother. If anyone else tried to take her that person would get 20 feet from the house and then Robyn would stop, sit, and go no further. That’s what my legs felt like and I think that in some way, it had to do with the sliver. I was not in much pain, only some discomfort, but mentally all my energy was being poured in a thin stream focusing on that one point at the bottom of my foot.
I made it back and felt happy that although it was a sluggish jog, at least I got out there. I went into the bathroom, undressed, turned on the water, and stepped one still kind of moisturized foot into the tub then SLIP! That foot and the foot outside the tub both slid and I crashed down, knocking over bottles of shampoo and conditioner, catching my self with the heel of one hand, my left rib cage, and the left side of my face.
I got up and took a deep breath. Then I cried. Not for a long time but just, a 5 second cry to release a little ball of emotion that had been shaken up. I thought, I don’t want to hurt anything. If I injured myself and couldn’t run and couldn’t practice karate – what would make me happy? It was such a scary thought and then I was further shocked by the realization of how much these things mattered to me. It’s a good thing, to have something in your life that you hold dear, but there was another half to that realization – that I haven’t felt very strongly about things dear to me in a long time. At least not explicitly, openly, in a way that I am actually living it. To protect myself? Yes…probably. If nothing is dear than you can handle losing it. But…those are some murky, gray waters to swim in. Not so much swim, maybe float, face up to avoid facing what you have gotten yourself into.
How will this experience change? What is my “for now on I shall always do/be _______”? I don’t know yet. It could be a lesson that started with a sliver or it could be karma for the 25 cent chocolate I “bought” at the Dan-d-Pak Mart but on looking at my receipt later in the evening, had not been charged for it. Should I go back and give them the 25 cents and (probably I should) what do I tell them? “Don’t worry, it gave me a sliver.”
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girl on mobile: “…and she forgot to get a morning after piiilll…but, like, keep it low…”
Just a reminder to myself of the weird ways in which we reveal private information to strangers.
I also think about how sometimes we say things like this within earshot of strangers because we are really itching to say it to a lot of people but know not to blab in a close circle of friends. Well, except to that one person on the other line.
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